


The Ballad of Bailey Hardison and Santa Claus

by qwanderer



Category: Leverage
Genre: Christmas, F/M, Kidfic, Multi, Parker still believes in Santa, Revenge, inspired by the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus", santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 21:23:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12802671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qwanderer/pseuds/qwanderer
Summary: Bailey's face scrunched up in anger. "Ricky, from school, has been telling everyone in the class that Santa's not real!"Momma gasped. "No!" she cried, looking as angry about it as Bailey felt."We have to stop him," Bailey said decidedly. "For Justice."





	The Ballad of Bailey Hardison and Santa Claus

**Author's Note:**

> This came to me like a week ago while I was at work and "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus" came on
> 
> I tried to wait until December... and then I tried to wait until after Thanksgiving... and then I tried to wait until Thanksgiving... well technically it is now Thanksgiving, so at least I succeeded in that. TBH this is the closest I've ever come to posting a Christmas fic during the actual Christmas season, although I have two others!

Bailey Hardison lived with her family in a big old farmhouse with lots of interesting nooks and crannies and lots of dangerous and mysterious objects. She lived with her momma and her poppa and her Uncle Eliot and her Aunt Aimee and her cousin, Aiden. They were all pretty awesome, and most of the time Bailey wanted for nothing. 

Right now, she wanted revenge. 

Well, Poppa had explained to her that revenge wasn't always the best thing, but when you wanted to make bad people feel worse because of what they had done so that you could make the good people feel better again, that was okay. Especially if it was for other people. That was where the line was drawn between revenge and justice. 

"Revenge is okay too," Momma had said. "Sometimes you just want to make someone else feel bad because they made you feel bad." 

Poppa gave Momma a Look, then, the kind he gave her when Momma was telling Bailey something that Normal People Would Not Say To Kids. 

Momma's face scrunched. "You have to make sure it balances, though. You can't kill someone just for making you feel sad. Even though Uncle Eliot would totally do it for you, if you asked." 

"Momma!" Poppa hissed. 

"But it's not right. It's better - and it feels better, too, in the end, I think - if you hurt them the exact kind of way and the exact amount they hurt you. Make it balance out." 

Poppa frowned a bit, then nodded. "That works," he said. "But don't get too caught up in it. The best revenge can be being happy and not being bothered by what someone did to you." He nudged Bailey's chin. "Why you asking about all this, Bailey-baby? Something happen?" 

Bailey's face scrunched up in anger. "Ricky, from school, has been telling everyone in the class that Santa's not real!" 

Momma gasped. "No!" she cried, looking as angry about it as Bailey felt. 

"We have to stop him," Bailey said decidedly. "For Justice." 

Poppa looked torn. "Bailey-baby," he said, "that wasn't especially nice of Ricky, but that's the kind of thing that just happens sometimes, all right?" 

"Well it shouldn't," Bailey said stoutly. Momma nodded once in agreement. "We should hack him!" Bailey continued, encouraged. 

"I don't think that's the best idea," Poppa said. "My usual tricks aren't exactly proportional response to a kid saying mean things." 

Momma frowned. "Poppa's right," she said. "It could balance better than that. Tell you what. Aunt Sophie's coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. You should ask her to help you figure out how to get in Ricky's head and mess up all the things he believes in." 

Bailey thought about that. "Yeah," she said. "We'll _grift_ him." 

Poppa opened his mouth to say something, then sighed instead. "Yeah, baby," he said. "You do that. You grift him good." 

* * *

Just as promised, Uncle Nate and Aunt Sophie arrived midafternoon the next day. They always had amazing stories, but even better was the way the stories made Poppa laugh and tell some of _his_ most amazing stories. 

As good as Uncle Eliot's Thanksgiving food always was, and as much as Bailey wanted to stuff herself with pie until she couldn't move, she was not to be deterred from her mission. After a mere second piece of pie, she pushed her plate away. 

"Aunt Sophie," she said, "can you come help me with something?" 

"What kind of a thing?" Aunt Sophie asked, getting out of her chair. Her dessert was gone, but she picked up her teacup to bring with her. 

"A grifting thing," Bailey told her. 

"A grifting thing? Well, let's see what I can do, then. I don't grift myself anymore - much - but I do still love to teach." 

They sat down in one of Bailey's favorite nooks, a window seat tucked just in the corner between the dining room and the den. 

"I have a problem," Bailey told Sophie. "Well, my whole class has a problem. Ricky. He's very mean about telling all the kids that Santa isn't real, and it's just everyone's parents playing a big joke." She frowned. "Momma said you could help me get into his head and twist up the things he believes." 

"Hum," said Sophie. "And what evidence do you think he has that Santa isn't real?" 

"He says he saw his dad being Santa last year," Bailey told her. "He says he saw his mom helping put out presents, and then his parents kissed like they always do." 

"Well, that is a little hard to explain away," Aunt Sophie said, "but I think that if we really want to set things right, we have to try. How do you feel about making your classmate Ricky believe in Santa Claus again - but being a little mean about it?" 

Bailey smiled. "I think that sounds cool," she said. 

* * *

The next time Ricky opened his big fat mouth, Bailey said, "Santa is too real, Ricky." 

Ricky rolled his eyes. "Give it up, Bailey," he said. "You know, and I know, and everyone else knows, that he's not." 

"He totally is," Bailey said. "I've seen him." 

"You mean like at the mall, or your dad all dressed up?" Ricky said mockingly. 

"No," Bailey answered. "Like in my house on Christmas Eve last year. Kissing my momma, too, 'cause Santa is allowed. There's a special Santa exemption for mommas, 'cause Santa is special." 

The other kids around them started to perk up, listening to this new perspective. 

"That was totally just your dad," said Ricky, but he was beginning to look doubtful. 

"No," said Bailey, "because my poppa is black, and Santa wasn't." 

"You're lying," Ricky said. 

"I took a picture," Bailey told him, and pulled out a Polaroid. 

There was Bailey's momma, who they'd all seen picking Bailey up, kissing a man who was clearly not Bailey's poppa, and who was also clearly Santa. 

"Woah," said another kid, looking over Bailey's shoulder. "That's really Santa." 

"And my momma," Bailey agreed. "They're really good friends. She helps him out with stuff sometimes, since she's got the chimney magic too." 

Many of them had also seen Bailey's momma walking out of places where she Couldn't Have Been. Bailey's momma was strong evidence for the existence of chimney magic. 

"And this one's of Santa and my cousin Aiden's momma," she continued gleefully, brandishing another photograph. 

Ricky scowled. Bailey judged that he wasn't convinced, not yet, but he'd been twisted up enough to be quiet about it, at least for now. 

* * *

Bailey Hardison knew many things that normal children did not know. Her momma was always honest with her. A lot of the time Poppa would try to hide the truth from her, or make it sound nicer, but Momma never did. Sometimes the things Momma said weren't happy things, but that just made Bailey trust Momma's words more. 

She knew that every year, Santa contracted out a lot of people to help him. She knew that a lot of dads just contracted with Santa for their own families, but that Uncle Eliot was one of his biggest helpers. Uncle Eliot was Santa for Aiden, and for Bailey, and for a lot of kids that had to stay in the hospital over Christmas, and basically for any kind of Santa-ing that needed doing in their area that was especially tough. 

She knew that Uncle Eliot was Momma's special exception, even though most mommas didn't kiss Santas that weren't their husbands or wives or significant others all dressed up. She knew that Momma and Poppa and Aunt Aimee and Uncle Eliot all had exceptions for each other, because they all loved each other lots. She knew that even though they told everyone outside the family that Aunt Aimee had been Momma's surrogate, Bailey was actually Aiden's half-sister. But that didn't stop Momma from being Momma. 

Bailey knew that this year, Uncle Eliot was going to contract with Santa to cover Ricky's house, and when he saw Ricky, he was going to say, "Stop telling other kids I'm not real." 

And so, on Christmas Eve, Bailey Hardison drifted to sleep, lulled by the certain knowledge that her Uncle Eliot was getting her her revenge. 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holiday, peeps! If you liked this story, please please please check out my [novelist blog](http://irenewendywode.tumblr.com) as well as my [fandom blog](http://qwanderer.tumblr.com). Thanks eternally! ❤Q


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